


Hear Today, Gone Tomorrow rewritten

by sarahgirl1998



Category: Happy Tree Friends
Genre: Birthday, Comedy, Crying, Gen, Humor, Revenge, Sneezing, Spice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 18:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13957242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahgirl1998/pseuds/sarahgirl1998
Summary: Reimagined version of an HTF episode.Lumpy becomes mad at Cuddles after he loses his hearing due to him. And that gives him an extremely cruel idea on what to do on his upcoming birthday.





	Hear Today, Gone Tomorrow rewritten

(One day, Cuddles and Lumpy are playing telephone with a couple of cans and a wire.)

Cuddles: Alright, you ready?

Lumpy: Yeah. (Speaks into the can he is holding.) Hey, Cuddles!

Cuddles: (not talking into his own can) Hey, can you move back a little?

Lumpy: (nods) Sure.

(He backs up a little.)

Cuddles: A little more?

(Lumpy backs up a little more.)

Cuddles: Little more?

(Lumpy tries to do so, but the wire snaps, and he notices.)

Lumpy: Oh! Sorry...

Cuddles: (a little disappointed) It’s alright, I guess...

(Lumpy tries to think of something, then gets an idea.)

(Scene change, they are now holding coffee cups connected to another wire.)

Cuddles: Are you sure about this?

Lumpy: Trust me. (He speaks into the coffee cup he is holding.) Hey, Cuddles!

(When Lumpy speaks, coffee comes out of the other side, right onto one side of Cuddles’ face and one of his ears on that side. Cuddles screams in pain while Lumpy looks embarrassed.)

Lumpy: Oops. Looks like that didn’t work, either...

Cuddles: CALL A DOCTOR!!!

Lumpy: (gets out his cell phone) Okay, okay!

(He calls 911 and waits for a reply. Later, Cuddles is seen with one side of his face bandaged. His ear on that side is bandaged as well.)

Cuddles: Ugh, thanks. That was a close one...

Lumpy: Don’t worry, I got another idea.

(He gives him a pepper mill, the lid on the top connected to the same wire from the coffee cups.)

Cuddles: Uh...

(Lumpy holds up a barrel, to which the other wire is also connected to, and speaks into it loudly.)

Lumpy: HEY, CUDDLES!!

(The loudness of his voice sends the waves from the barrel straight into the pepper mill. It proceeds to grind a good amount of pepper into Cuddles’ face.)

Cuddles: WHAT THE--?! (His nose twitches as he is about to sneeze.) Aaaaah... AaaaaaaaaaAAAAAH... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Cuddles releases the sneeze directly into the pepper grinder, then sniffles and rubs his nose with his forefinger. While he is doing that, however, the force of the sneeze makes it into the barrel and blows Lumpy to the ground. Cuddles sees this, gasps, stops rubbing his nose and runs over to Lumpy.)

Cuddles: Oh no!! Lumpy! Are you okay?!

(Lumpy sits up, rubbing his head in pain.)

Lumpy: Ughh... What?

Cuddles: Are you okay? I’m really sorry!

Lumpy: What?

(Cut to Lumpy’s point of view. Cuddles appears to be speaking but no sound is heard. Cut back to Lumpy.)

Lumpy: I can’t hear you, Cuddles! (He then suddenly switches to an enraged tone.) And it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!!!

Cuddles: Oh, my gosh! This can’t be! Are you... deaf?!

Lumpy: I swear to God, I am gonna get you for that!!

(Cuddles gets out his cell phone and calls 911. He then waits for a response while Lumpy uses his forefinger in an attempt to clean one of his ears out.)

(Scene change, Lumpy is in one of the rooms in the hospital. Sniffles is a doctor and is diagnosing him, while Cuddles stands next to Lumpy in concern.)

Cuddles: ...And then I sneezed really loud, and then he fell over and now he can’t hear a word I say!

Sniffles: Well, I’m afraid you’re right, Cuddles. Lumpy is completely deaf.

Cuddles: WHAT?! What are we gonna do?!

Sniffles: I’ll work on a potion that will restore his hearing. However, it might take a few hours to make, so he’s not gonna hear anything for a while.

Cuddles: (gasps, turns to Lumpy) Did you hear that, Lumpy?! You‘re gonna be like this all day! What about my birthday party tomorrow?!

(Lumpy doesn’t answer; he simply looks at Cuddles, not amused. Cuddles turns back to Sniffles.)

Sniffles: I don’t think he even remembers.

Cuddles: Oh, man...

Sniffles: By the way, did you say your sneeze caused him to go deaf?

Cuddles: Yeah.

Sniffles: Gesundheit.

(Scene change, Lumpy is at his trailer. He is sitting on the couch and looking disappointed.)

Lumpy: What the heck am I gonna do?

(His cell phone rings; his ringtone is Opening. He doesn’t hear it, however. While it is still ringing, he randomly decides to pull it out and look at it, but then notices it’s ringing. He taps Answer and stops the ringtone, then speaks into the cell phone.)

Lumpy: Hello?

Cuddles: (on the other line) Lumpy, I am so sorry I sneezed so hard that you lost your hearing! Are you mad at me?!

Lumpy: What?! Look, if you want me to answer you, why don’t you just text me?!

Cuddles: Oh, come on, Lumpy! I... You know, that’s a good idea. I’ll go with that, thanks!

(He hangs up, but Lumpy doesn’t realize this until his phone exits out of the call. Lumpy puts down his phone and sighs in anger.)

Lumpy: Stupid Cuddles, why’d he have to sneeze that loud?!

(His phone suddenly vibrates. He picks it up and checks his messages. He has a message from Cuddles, which he reads.)

Cuddles’ message: My birthday is tomorrow. Can you make it to my party tomorrow night?

Lumpy: Oh, so that’s what he was trying to tell me. Well, if tomorrow’s his birthday, I’m gonna make him sneeze harder than he ever will in his life!

(He then types “Yes” into the phone and hits Send. Cuddles replies.)

Cuddles’ message: Thank you :)

Lumpy: (evilly) And now my revenge begins!

(He puts away his phone, goes into his kitchen and starts making a cake. He seems to follow the directions from a cookbook and use the right ingredients, but while he is mixing it, he grabs a pepper shaker and empties it into the mix. He then puts the mix into a pan and starts to put it in the oven, but then stops.)

Lumpy: Oh, shoot, I won’t know when it’s ready. (He thinks for a moment, but then gets an idea.) I got it!

(He grabs a timer, checks the baking time in the cookbook and sets it for that time. He puts the pan in the oven and then starts the timer. He then waits for it to reach zero.)

Lumpy: Any minute now.

(After a while, the timer reaches zero and he quickly turns it off. He grabs some potholders, pulls the pan out of the oven and removes the cake from it. He then puts frosting on the cake, and then pours pepper from a second pepper shaker all over the cake. He then smiles in evil satisfaction.)

Lumpy: Perfect.

(Scene change to the next morning. Lumpy is sleeping in his bed for a few moments, but then he wakes up and checks his phone to see that Sniffles has left him a message. He reads it.)

Sniffles’ message: Potion is ready ;) Come to my lab to take it.

(Lumpy smiles and runs out of bed. Scene change to him arriving at Sniffles’ house. He rings the doorbell and waits. Sniffles answers shortly afterwards.

Sniffles: Hey, Lumpy!

Lumpy: Do you have my potion ready?

(Sniffles gives him a thumbs-up, and then gives him a multicolored potion. He winks at him.)

Lumpy: Well, here goes.

(He removes the lid from the potion and starts to drink it. He stops for a moment to react in slight disgust, but then keeps drinking until the bottle is empty. He then stands there, panting.)

Lumpy: That tasted weird...

Sniffles: I’m sorry, Lumpy. But can you hear me now?

(This time, Lumpy does hear him as he has regained his hearing. He smiles in complete delight.)

Lumpy: Oh, my gosh, it worked! (He hugs Sniffles.) Thank you so much, Sniffles!

Sniffles: (returns the favor) Don’t mention it, Lumpy.

Lumpy: (Lets go of him.) Now I can finally get him for what he did to me!

Sniffles: (becomes concerned when he hears this) Wait, what?

Lumpy: He never apologized to me, don’t ask.

(Scene change to Cuddles’ house later that night. Cuddles has already gotten everything ready, and almost all of the other characters are already here.)

Cuddles: (giggles) This party’s gonna be sweet!

(The doorbell rings. He answers it. Lumpy is holding the pepper-covered cake he made for him.)

Cuddles: Lumpy! You made it!

Lumpy: Yep.

Cuddles: And you can hear again?! That’s awesome!

Lumpy: (indifferent) Yeah, yeah, it’s awesome. Here’s your cake, made it myself.

Cuddles: (takes the cake) Sweet!

(He takes the cake and puts it on the table. He cuts himself a slice and takes a bite out of it. His eyes then widen and his pupils shrink completely. His nose twitches and nostrils flare up uncontrollably. He puts the slice on the table as he is about to sneeze. Everyone else looks at him in concern, but Lumpy just looks fiendishly delighted.)

Cuddles: Aaaaaaaah... Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

(The force of Cuddles’ sneeze blows him around. Everybody gasps, but Lumpy laughs to himself. When Cuddles lands, he lets out three more explosive sneezes.)

Cuddles: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

(By the time Cuddles has finished sneezing, his eyes are watering and his nose is red. He sniffles and rubs his nose with his forefinger as he looks up at Lumpy, on the verge of tears.)

Cuddles: W... What did you... do with my cake...?!

(Lumpy doesn’t respond at first; he simply looks at him with a smug expression on his face.)

Cuddles: (leans forward a little) Lumpy...?

(Lumpy points at Cuddles as he speaks, condescendingly.)

Lumpy: Happy Birthday, you evil little brat!

(He runs into the house and up the stairs, laughing evilly. Cuddles starts crying; Giggles and Toothy walk up to him and try to comfort him.)

(Meanwhile, Lifty and Shifty are watching this happen, but they both look indifferent about the situation. Shifty turns to look at Lifty.)

Shifty: And they said we’re the evil brats around here.

(Sniffles, who has seen what has just happened, thinks about it and sighs to himself in disappointment. He decides to go up the stairs. When he gets there, he opens the door to the bathroom, where Lumpy is.)

Sniffles: Um, Lumpy?

Lumpy: Yeah?

Sniffles: I’m not trying to call you out for what you just did, but... Why were you like that towards Cuddles?

Lumpy: He never apologized to me for what he did.

Sniffles: Couldn’t you just ask him to?

Lumpy: I would, but I didn’t think he’d do it.

Sniffles: Also, why was there pepper on that cake?

(Lumpy hears this and finally breaks down. First his eyes tear up, then he starts crying as he confesses.)

Lumpy: I was the one who made him sneeze from pepper! And it was his birthday, so I decided to make a cake with pepper in it and put more pepper on it so he’d sneeze his head off!!

(Sniffles gasps in shock as he hears this, but then looks disappointed.)

Sniffles: Oh, Lumpy...! (starts to tear up as well) Why would you do this?

Lumpy: I was so mad at him! I, I don’t know what came over me!! I’m a monster!!

(He throws his hands over his eyes and continues crying. Sniffles puts his hand on his shoulder as he sniffles a few times. Suddenly, the door opens and Cuddles enters, wiping his nose on a tissue that he acquired.)

Cuddles: Um, what’s going on here?

(Lumpy lets go of Sniffles and hugs Cuddles, still crying.)

Lumpy: Oh, Cuddles! I am so, so sorry! I was so mad, and I didn’t know you were apologizing to me because I couldn’t hear!

(He then cries a little more, and Cuddles strokes his back to comfort him.)

Cuddles: Lumpy, I’d like to apologize to you, too. I was the one who made you deaf with my sneeze. I just couldn’t help myself, I just had to sneeze from that pepper, and I guess I didn’t have time to turn my head or cover my mouth. And for that, I’m really, really sorry.

(After hearing this, Lumpy starts to calm down. He lets go of Cuddles, then wipes his eyes with one hand, and his nose with the other.)

Lumpy: You’re... You’re not mad at me?

Cuddles: Well, no, now that you’ve apologized. In fact, I kinda saw it as a joke at first. And if I didn’t sneeze as hard as I did or at least didn’t feel sick right afterwards, I would’ve found it hilarious.

(At this point, Lumpy has nearly stopped crying.)

Lumpy: What...? So... I did all of this for the wrong reasons?

Cuddles: Pretty much.

Lumpy: I... I can’t believe nobody told me that sooner... (He smiles, but continues to cry a bit.) Thank you!

Cuddles: No problem, buddy.

(They both hug warmly. Sniffles is watching this and his eyes are sparkling from the touching scene. They then let go and Cuddles walks out of the room. Lumpy then becomes sad again and sighs.)

Lumpy: This sucks...

Sniffles: What’s wrong?

Lumpy: He has sneezed two days in a row now, including his birthday, and I haven’t needed to sneeze once. Not even from the pepper.

Sniffles: (Raises an eyebrow.) Oh, really?

Lumpy: (tears up) Why can’t I sneeze on my birthday? (He sniffles.)

Sniffles: Actually, Lumpy... (A mischievous smile appears on his face.) ...it doesn’t need to be your birthday if you wanna sneeze.

Lumpy: (Wipes some tears from his eyes with his forefinger.) It, it doesn’t?

Sniffles: Of course not, silly. And I know what’ll cheer you up...

(He winks at Lumpy, then reaches behind his back and pulls out some pepper shaker. Lumpy raises an eyebrow at first, but then Sniffles shakes the pepper into Lumpy’s face, causing him to cringe. His eyes widen and his pupils shrink, while his nose rumbles and his nostrils flare up. He tilts his neck back as he is about to sneeze.)

Lumpy: Aaaaaaah... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh... 

(Sniffles puts away his shaker, backs up a few steps to get out of the way and plugs his ears, all while having an excited smile on his face.)

Lumpy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Lumpy shoots his neck forwards as he releases the sneeze, a good amount of spray firing out of his mouth and a small amount of mucus spurting from his nostrils. Sniffles cringes at first, but then squeals and giggles. Lumpy rubs his slightly runny nose with his forefinger as he sniffles.)

Sniffles: Gesundheit~!

Lumpy: (continues to rub his nose) Thank you. (He sniffles again, more loudly.)

Sniffles: (giggles) Aww. Does somebody need a tissue?

(Lumpy nods his head, still having his forefinger under his nose. Sniffles takes a tissue from the tissue box close to the toilet, then walks up to Lumpy and offers it to him. He takes the tissue and blows his nose deeply into it. He then gingerly rubs under his nose with the tissue, smiling blissfully.)

Sniffles: Feeling better?

Lumpy: Yeah, thank you.

(Sniffles responds by giving Lumpy a warm hug, making him blush while he continues to rub his nose.)


End file.
